The "Plan"

Well, in my about me section I told you the reason I named this blog "Letting Go". I guess I should update those who don't know what my plan was for me life. So here goes...

I have always been a fan of sports but not really a die-hard fan, except for one baseball season when I was in middle school. I did not miss a Braves game, considering how I am now about baseball and watching sports on TV that season was ridiculous. Anyways, I became amazed at Jeff Porter, the Braves Athletic Trainer. I wanted his job... big time, and from then on until I graduated from college with an Athletic Training/Sports Medicine degree that was what I always wanted to do. It was my passion. I don't think I am some crazy career driven woman but I was definitely more worried about a future job than a future husband and family. My plan was to graduate and find a great job doing what I love and then I would meet someone who thought I was amazing and we would get married and have kids. The end. However, before that could happen I had to take the national certification test to became a certified athletic trainer. So I took it.... and took it ... and took it.... and I don't tell how many times I took it but it broke my heart and my dreams every time I looked up my results and saw "Failed". 

Rewind to a semester before I graduated and someone who was supposed to be my mentor and leader and supporter called me into his office and proceeded to tell me that I couldn't do what I always wanted to do, that I would never be good enough, that I would never be prepared enough. To sum it up pretty much crushed me. Every time I went to take that test I heard him in my head and every time I saw my results I heard him saying "I told you so".

Obviously my plan wasn't working out I couldn't just not have a job, so I started substitute teaching. Here in my very small town we only have 4 schools, a primary, elementary, middle and high. I put my name on all four school's sub list. I was used to high school kids because I had worked with a lot of high school athletes before I graduate college. I was not used to the little crazy children that belonged to the primary and elementary schools... they scared the mess out of me. And, of course that is the school that called me the most. But, I started to get use to them and realized that they weren't that scary after all. While I was working as a sub I was also trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I mean I didn't want to give up on my dream of athletic training but it clearly wasn't working out and I couldn't, well, didn't want to be a substitute teacher for the rest of my life. I took some time away from teaching and went back to school to be a medical assistant. I enjoyed learning more about the medical field but I wasn't really happy. To sum it up that time in my life was a very dark time.

It started to turn around when I was with a friend one day and we were going who knows where but happened to ride by the Primary school. I started talking about the students there and different stuff they did and said while I worked there and he said, "You know, that's the first time you've smiled in a long time" and that was all he said but it definitely stuck with me. He was right. I thought about it and prayed about it and decided to go back to work as a substitute teacher, this time with the intent of seeing if teaching was something that I wanted to do.

When I started back I was lucky enough to get hired on as a long-term sub for a pre-k paraprofessional. I despised pre-k. Despised. But... it grew on me, and grew on me, and grew on me and before I knew it I knew I wanted to teach, and I wanted to teach 4 year olds. I decided to go back to school and get my masters from a program that would give me my masters and certify me to teach at the same time. The summer I got everything together with Reinhardt ( the University I am receiving my master's at) I also got a call from the Primary school asking me to come to work full time as a kindergarten paraprofessional....which I absolutely love and adore kindergarten students... so I had a full time job with benefits which was awesome. That summer I also applied at Gordon College to become a Resident Director. I got that job as well! After years of disappointment and heartbreak and plain confusion on what to do with my life everything seemed to come together at one time. It was amazing and wonderful and I finally felt like maybe the Lord had a plan for me that I had been completely unaware of.

Fast forward a year and a half and I am almost done with my master's. I am still working at the primary school and at Gordon. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to a job and career. However, I am lost when it comes to a good guy in my life. I have had guys come and go and to be honest they are not good guys. My judgement is clearly off. :/ I'm trying to just go with the flow and trust that God has a plan for me in that area too but it can be extremely hard some days. Anyways, that is a different topic for another day.

P.S. I start student teaching January 5th and I am going to meet my new group of 3rd graders (yes, 3rd grade...quite a difference from kindergarten) tomorrow. I'm excited but nervous. I'm sure it will be fun but I will let you know later...