A New View Point

This weekend was an eye opener for sure! Saturday morning I went with my mom and sister to David's Bridal to try on wedding dresses!! Very exciting! It was actually a little surreal. Most girls think of their wedding growing up and what it will be like to try on dresses and make decisions about that special day and I was no different. Sometimes I feel like I have my wedding all planned out and was just waiting on the right guy.

And yes, while I did think of my wedding throughout the years I just never really felt like I would ever have one. I never had a deep down feeling that I would without a doubt find that one special guy for me. I have had my fair share of not so great guys and some great guys just not great for me guys. That is until Frankie :)

So, yes trying on dresses and thinking about my wedding Saturday in such a real way was definitely a surreal moment for me. It was also a kick in the butt moment as well. My mom and my sister took pictures of me in every dress I tried on and looking at myself in those pictures was like someone finally hit me over the head and said "look at yourself, you look horrible."

I am not just being mean to myself and having a bad body image like so many people do these days, especially young people; I just know when I look and feel my best and it is definitely, without a doubt, not now! These pictures have been like a gift from God, telling me to take control of myself and fix myself. I do realize that sounds really dramatic. However, I also know that from a doctor's standpoint I would be considered overweight.  There are some people who are constantly saying "you look good" and "you don't need to lose anything" which frankly makes me mad and hurts my feelings. I don't look good and quit telling me I do. There are also people who say "you've gained a lot of weight" and "you better hurry up and lose weight before you get fat" which hurts my feels as well.

In the past when I've been all about losing weight and getting in shape its really been about vanity reasons and my appearance. This time it is different. I mean of course I want to look good, especially for my wedding day, but that is not what is really driving me to get healthy. My wedding day is driving me to lose weight naturally. What comes after the wedding is what is driving me to get healthy. I don't feel healthy. I feel heavy and bloated and yucky about 90% of the time. Not only does that make me feel gross but it also scares me. Me and Frankie want kids. Frankie really wants kids and I know he will be such an incredible dad. I am worried that at this weight and feeling this unhealthy will make it hard for me to get pregnant. And lets be honest, we can't wait too long because neither one of us are spring chickens. (haha I made myself chuckle a little bit at that) I have this really can't kick it strange feeling that I am going to have a hard time getting pregnant. My parents had a hard time but my sister never really did with both of her boys. I can't afford to wait years and years to get pregnant because we aren't that young.

I am hoping and feeling that if I change my habits around and make myself a healthier weight and all around person that I won't have as hard as a time as I think I will. So, on that note I am trying to best to make better choices when it comes to food. I whole-heartedly believe that losing weight is 80/20. Nutrition and diet is 80% of it and exercise is 20%. I enjoy exercising but I want to see results so that means I am going to have to eat better. In the past I would get really crazy and decide that I was going to cut out all kinds of things and eat clean which works for a lot of people but I would also fall off my little clean eating wagon. So... I am going to approach it like the 80/20 rule. I will make healthy eating decisions 80% of the week and allow myself 20% to fall back on. That way I know I am free to still indulge a little bit but just a little bit.

This morning I am off to a good start. I went to the gym and did 30 full minutes of cardio switching the resistance up on the elliptical machine and also switching up going forwards and backwards. That helps me not get bored and it also helps my heart rate change (almost like an interval workout which is good for fat-loss) Plus I did about 20 to 30 minutes working abs and shoulders. For breakfast I made a smoothie!! Very different for me. I found the recipe on one of my favorite blogs and I actually liked it but I did not like the banana taste to it so I will try to tweak it to make it work for me.

Here's to a new view point of getting healthy... :)